


Pyrrhic Victory

by JoeHundredaire



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Aliens, Episode: s2e06 Halloween, F/F, Femslash, Halloween, Multi, Original Character(s), Rare Pairing, Season/Series 02, Threesome - F/F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-01-27
Updated: 2011-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-15 03:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/156540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeHundredaire/pseuds/JoeHundredaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sure, he won the bets. He can dress Cordy and her friends up for Halloween. Then Xander realizes he's stuck dressing Cordy and her friends up for Halloween. And huh. Who's that shy, black-haired girl Cordy is spending all her time with..? X/f/f, C/f</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Title: Pyrrhic Victory  
Author: JoeHundredaire ([joehundredaire@tthfanfic.org](mailto:joehundredaire@tthfanfic.org?subject=Pyrrhic%20Victory))  
Rating: R/FR18  
Pairings: Xander Harris/OC/OC, Cordelia Chase/Tara Maclay  
Disclaimer: Right, I actually went and checked to be sure this time… _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ and all associated characters belong to Fran and Kaz Kuzui. And of course, that misogynistic bastard named George Lucas owns everything _Star Wars_. Let's just go with 'not mine' and leave it as that. Oh, but Cassie Baker, Nicole Bell, Rebecca Bryant, Mallory Harvey, and Pamela Irving of the Cordettes are all my creations. If you want them to expand your cast of Sunnydale High denizens, they're free to use but please ask first.  
Summary: Sure, he won the bets. He can dress Cordy and her friends up for Halloween. Then Xander realizes… he's stuck dressing Cordy and her friends up for Halloween. And… huh. Who's that shy, black-haired girl Cordy is spending all her time with..? X/f/f, C/f  
Joe's Note: Alright, so, long story short here… I started _Spynpsycle_ but even after asking some - okay, a whole bunch - people for help, I still couldn't figure out a decent way to continue it because I'd pretty much created one ridiculously unwieldy mess of a story. So I decided to go back to my roots and pull together three ideas that seem to go over well on this site:  
1\. Xander YAHF. Particularly Xander with a lightsaber YAHF.  
2\. Xander using the winning of a bet to make Cordelia dress up as something out of a nerd's wet dream.  
3\. Xander with two girlfriends.  
And that's just the A Plot of this. The pre-Halloween portions are actually a [Third Line Some Waiting](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThirdLineSomeWaiting) story, with a B Plot scavenged from _Run This Town_ and therefore involving Tara and the requisite 'it's a Joe fic' lesbianism just for Lancelot, and a C Plot of… well, you'll see. It's interesting, promise. I actually have the entire story outlined and a goodly chunk written, but feel free to read and review because odd little tidbits can always be integrated into the story or its sequels or side stories down the road.

* * *

**_September 25, 2003_ **

* * *

     Staring in disbelief at the paper the teacher had just returned to him, Xander Harris's eyes remained locked on the pair of large, bright red numbers near the top of the page. Eighty-nine. He'd gotten an eighty-nine. A B+. Which was a full letter grade above what he was used to seeing on his quizzes, and hopefully enough to bring him victory. Granted his competition wasn't exactly Willow or anything, but still. Stranger things had happened in Sunnydale than Cordelia getting a ninety or higher on an English Comp quiz.

     Although Xander wasn't exactly sure where that scenario would rank compared to vampires, the praying mantis woman, or the creepy witch who had stolen her daughter's body because she missed cheerleading…

     Xander looked to his right and found Cordelia Chase frowning at him, which filled his heart with hope. She'd seen his score, hers was lower, and she was regretting making the bet with him! Yes! There was a God! His eyes slid down to rest on the paper in front of her and bugged out. A sixty-eight. Not only had she not beaten him, she'd barely passed the quiz. Holy crap. He'd destroyed her. Maybe he should have pushed for some sort of bonus for a difference of ten or twenty points…

     To this day, despite knowing he shouldn't question his good fortune, he still didn't quite understand how he'd ended up involved in the bet in the first place. He and Cordelia had been trading barbs as per usual, the brunette's tongue getting even sharper since her encounter with Buffy right after the Slayer's return from Los Angeles, when it had devolved into a general comparison of intelligence and then… she'd thrown it out there. One quiz and one winner, with that person having the right to pick the loser's costume for Halloween. After setting general but important limits - no cross-dressing for him and nothing more revealing than a two-piece for her - they'd shook on it. Considering the rather… unique… grasp on English that most of the cheerleaders tended to display, though, competing with Cordelia to see who could get the better score on the upcoming quiz in English Comp had seemed like a sucker bet. And in the end, he'd been right. Eighty-nine to sixty-eight.

     Now he only needed to decide… comics or sci-fi?

     The next ninety minutes seemed to drag on forever for Xander but finally the bell rang and the classroom emptied with startling speed as the students dashed off in search of lunch. Xander packed his bag a bit more slowly, wanting to resolve his bet with Cordelia in private. Not that he couldn't deal with her minions - as a matter of fact, he needed to go find several of them later - but he knew they were stronger as a pack and figured it might be easier to convince each one individually than it would be to get them all at once. "So, ready to hear what you're going as for Halloween, Cordy?"

     "Lay it on me, dweeb. I've been waiting all period. Well, for days technically, but even more for the last however many minutes since it's been official that you won. I was going to text you or something, but then I remembered you're still in the Stone Age. Plus the teacher is really good at spotting that kind of thing." Xander blinked at her stupidly and Cordelia huffed before rolling her eyes and scooping up her books. Turning away, she headed out into the hallway, Xander falling into step behind her. "What? You think I don't notice the way you look at me? If you had lasers for eyes, most of my shirts and pants would have holes in them." He wasn't that obvious… was he? Well that was a stupid question, wasn't it? Obviously he was. "I had absolutely no clue what to go as for Halloween but I knew I couldn't just stay home without looking bad with the girls because Halloween is a pretty big party night. And obviously I had to have a good costume because hello, Cordelia Chase here. Then we got into that argument before class last week and so I had a moment of brilliance: who better to make sure I looked hot than someone who spends most of his waking hours fantasizing about me?" Wow, somebody had an ego. As if anyone would think about her that much. He spent maybe a third of his time fantasizing about her. Which, while putting her above assorted Cordettes and that creepy but hot goth girl Laura, left her sitting a goodly bit below a certain blonde Slayer. "So I made the bet, made sure you wouldn't go over the line, and then threw the quiz just to make sure things would turn out the way I wanted them. And it did. So, cough it up. What am I going as? Xena? I do have the tan and the hair and all. Wonder Woman? Some comic book character I've never heard of?"

     Cordelia looked over at him curiously and Xander hesitated a moment before shaking his head. It had taken him most of the period to come to this decision and her enthusiasm for some of the options he'd dismissed almost had him reconsidering it… but no. He could never properly repay Jesse for failing him, but this would be a good start. "Actually, none of the above. You're going to be an alien. A _Star Wars_ alien, to be precise."

     The curious look on Cordelia's face wavered, shifting to disbelief followed by shock and then irritation as he failed to announce he was joking or anything along those lines. "You want me to be… what?"

     Brushing past Cordelia, Xander gestured for the brunette to follow him and began walking towards the library. "You remember Jesse, right? About my height, brown hair, had a huge crush on you, you treated him like dirt? I think he's technically Angel's vampire brother or something, since they were turned by the same skanky blonde…"

     "Woah, slow down there. That's where Jesse went? He got turned into a vampire?" Xander nodded and Cordelia thought for a second before tossing another question out for him to answer. "Wait, Angel's a vampire? Isn't Buffy supposedly some kind of Slayer? Of vampires? Isn't that a conflict of interest? And necrophilia?"

     Xander snorted at that. "Preaching to the choir there. On both parts. But yes, this really old vampire named Darla turned Jesse. Then he came and attacked you in the Bronze. I ended up distracting him. Any of this ringing a bell yet?" Cordelia nodded slowly. "I had to stake him. Kill him. If I hadn't, he would have killed you… probably turned you so he could keep you forever… and me and Willow too."

     Shuddering, Cordelia hugged her books to her chest as they walked. "Ugh. Pass. I'd go insane as a vampire. No tanning, no mirrors… and despite what you hear, some cheerleaders do eat. I happen to be one of them. A liquid diet is more Harm's thing. But… I think we're getting a bit off topic, aren't we? I mean, what does this have to do with why you're trying to make me dress up as some kind of funky _Star Trek_ -"

     " _Star Wars_."

     "-alien for Halloween?"

     "Are you sure you didn't earn that sixty-eight on the quiz, Cordy?" Xander met the glare the cheerleader sent his way, holding her gaze until she finally looked away. "It's simple. This is the first Halloween since Jesse died. There's one alien species he really liked. You're the girl he really liked. So I want you to dress up as that alien so that wherever he is, he can look down and drool one last time. And I'm not even going to make it hard for you and insist on something really specific. You can do whatever you want for your outfit, as long as you go as a Togruta."

     Letting out a massive sigh, Cordelia passed Xander and used her shoulder to shove the library door open. He followed, waiting for her to hop up on the edge of a table before dumping his backpack into one of the chairs around it. "You should run for office when you're old enough. Because somehow I just went from 'no way in hell' to thinking I'd be the world's biggest bitch if I dared to say no. I hate you." Not quite the reaction he'd been going for but if it meant she'd shut up and dress up, he wasn't going to argue. "Fine. Let's see what kind of weirdness you're sticking me with. And what are you going as for Halloween?" Xander raised an eyebrow and she shrugged. "It might be better than this. I might decide to actually lower myself to begging to doing a couple's costume with you. Without the couple part, that is. Because if my choices are dating you or funky alien, I'm ready for my close encounter."

     Xander wandered over and booted up one of the library's three computers, still not quite sure how the school had managed to get Giles to accept them. But while the Brit's technophobia was amusing, he was here on a mission. And seeing as how he had to wait on the computer before he could continue… "Actually, I'm mostly done with a costume already… or at least I was at any rate. Not that it took much work. My Uncle Jack is in the Air Force. I have a set of his older BDUs that still have his name tape on them and rank pins for a colonel, plus a set of his dog tags. And he gave me a few tips on what kind of stuff he used to wear out in the field. Set me back a bit, but I got it all in one raid at the local army surplus store." Xander snorted; 'a bit' was relative for both of them. For him, the hundred bucks he'd dropped on the tactical vest alone had set him back more than he'd planned to spend on his entire costume when he'd first come up with the idea. Cordelia, on the other hand, could probably afford to buy them for every girl on the cheerleading squad without even blinking. Not that she'd ever have a reason to, but she could. Thankfully, his uncle had bought him a copy of the watch that he wore himself for his last birthday; if Xander had wanted to be that authentic, it would have set him back another two hundred. "All that's left for me to get is a gun or two. Probably cheap plastic, since Airsoft is a bit too pricey for me." That and, unlike the vest, he couldn't really justify spending money on an Airsoft gun. The vest could hold stakes and knives and holy water and all sorts of other stuff to take out patrolling, especially if Buffy decided to run off to Los Angeles for the summer again. The Airsoft gun… normal guns weren't even effective against vampires, what use would a fake gun that shot tiny plastic pellets be?

     "Uh… huh. So GI Joe, basically. Think I'll pass on being GI Jane. Camo really isn't my color… colors… pattern… whatever. It's not for me." As Windows finally finished loading, Xander sliding into the chair in front of the computer and launching Internet Explorer, Cordelia wandered over to stand behind him. "Although I probably just jinxed myself by turning it down and this is going to be one hideous alien you've picked for me."

     As he sent the browser hurtling off into cyberspace towards the official _Star Wars_ website, Xander felt obligated to point something out. "Even if you did want to be GI Jane, I never agreed you could be. I won, you lost, I get to pick, and this is what I'm picking." Leaving Cordelia to chew on that one for the time being, Xander navigated slowly through the site's Databank, finally locating the entry for Shaak Ti. Pulling up her entry, he twisted to one side so Cordelia could get a good look. "Togruta."

     Cordelia leaned in to get a better look and grimaced. "Did I say GI Jane wasn't for me? Can I be GI Jane? Please?"

     Shaking his head, Xander reached forward and tapped the screen. "Nuh uh. We bet that the winner could dress the loser. You decided it was a good idea to throw the quiz to see what I'd dress you as. This is what I want you to be for Halloween. So… are you going to be a woman of your word or do I need to squeal to all your Cordettes about how you chickened out on me and let them bug you?" Actually her being a willing party to this would become important if any of the others decided to try and pull out on him, making the threat entirely empty, but she didn't need to know that…

     "Fu-uck." Cordelia scowled and leaned back again, arms crossing over her chest as she glared at the screen. "You know, you're lucky I don't have a time machine or something. And I will get my revenge. I don't know when and I don't know how, but I'm going to get you for this." Turning, she stomped over to the table she'd been sitting on and reclaimed her books before departing the library. As the door swung back and forth slowly, Xander let out a sigh of relief before pulling up another entry in the Databank and sending it to the printer. He debated printing another page or two but opted to bookmark those instead.

     Now, assuming nobody had spontaneously developed Willow-itis over the past few days, he had three girls to go break some bad news to…

* * *

     Whistling softly to himself as he walked down the hallway, Xander looked back and forth as he mentally reviewed the list of people he needed to find. Then, peeking out from beneath an open locker door, he spotted an ass he'd been admiring on the way into Chemistry earlier that day. At least he was pretty sure it was the girl he was looking for. While he knew the distressing on the back pockets was done at the factory and that two girls could theoretically own identical pairs of jeans, what were the odds of another girl filling them out quite as well? "Aphrodesia! How's my favorite non-Buffy blonde? And one of these days, I really do need to find a good nickname for you. That name of yours is a mouthful."

     There was a loud groan and then the locker door closed to reveal Aphrodesia Michaelis, who ran one hand through her blonde hair before sighing and shooting him an irritated look. "Hmm. 'That's a mouthful'. I bet that's something you're never going to be told." Ooh, zing. Not. Xander snorted; Cordy was capable of handing out worse insults while half-distracted by a cell phone call. He'd give her points for trying, though. "And if we were friends - which we're not and never will be - I'd let you call me Sia. Kinda like 'see ya'. Which is what I'd love to be saying to you right now. So let's get to the part where you tell me what you want, and then I can go ahead and do that."

     Xander held up his quiz, grinning as Aphrodesia swore silently. "Oh, I'm just here to show off this here eighty-nine. Kinda curious if you managed to find one of those eleven scores that would beat it. So, inquiring minds want to know… English, Sia. Do you speak it?"

     "Yes. Obviously not as well as you, though. I got a seventy-six. Which isn't really a surprise to me, since I know I suck at English." Aphrodesia adopted a faintly disgusted, far off look for a moment before coming back to herself and scowling at Xander. "You should know too, or does Rosenberg not tell her little boyfriend anything about her tutoring schedule?"

     Pulling a folded sheet of paper out of his pocket, Xander shook his head at the blonde. "You can't have it both ways, you know. I'm either dating Willow or I'm the loser who can't get within ten feet of a girl. Which is it, Sia?" Xander watched the cheerleader's mouth open and close several times before closing one last time and staying shut. "Anyways, no, I'm not surprised. I just figured I'd be polite and ask instead of assuming I'd beaten you. If it makes you feel better, though, you beat Cordelia." That did indeed make Aphrodesia perk up, eliciting a chuckle from Xander. "Moving on… read it and weep."

     Aphrodesia hesitated for a moment before reaching out and taking it. Unsurprisingly, her eyes went straight to the picture in the lower right corner of the page. "Surely you can't be serious."

     "I am serious… and don't call me Shirley." Her glare made Xander momentarily quail but then he rebounded and grinned at her as he bounced on his toes enthusiastically. "What? You set yourself up there. And with the costume. I mean, no offense but it's your own fault that you're stuck dressing up. You're the one who made the bet; nobody forced you to. Especially a bet based on what even you know is your worst subject. Which brings me to a really good question. What on Earth possessed you to do it, Sia?"

     Again Xander found himself watching as Aphrodesia floated off into introspection, this time for over a minute before finally answering his question. "Honestly? There's no actual Cordette handbook but there are plenty of unwritten rules and I barely follow most of them. I only date guys if I like them, I'm not big on putting out, and I don't show much skin. Hell, I wasn't even planning to go to any of the Halloween parties I was invited to; my mother already promised she'd call me out sick on Halloween so I could stay home that night without Cordy being able to get mad at me."

     Xander snorted in amusement. "You say that like you honestly think she'll care whether or not you have a good excuse for disobeying her. Didn't she yell at a girl for not being practice because she'd dislocated her knee the day before?"

     "You're thinking of Joy Wilmshurst. Cordy's not nearly that bad." When he raised an eyebrow at that, Aphrodesia sighed. "Okay, she's a bit of a cheertator but she's not quite that bad. Anyways, it was supposed to be this brownie point, insurance policy sort of thing. If I bet with you and I won but Cordy lost, I could threaten you to make sure you didn't do anything too horrible to her and that would buy me some breathing room with Cordy about the rules. Except we both lost and so now I'm stuck facing weird blue alien skankdom. Ugh. I thought you were going to make me be like… Supergirl or something. Can't I be Supergirl?" Striking a pose, she reached up to play with her blonde hair. "I already have the look down…"

     While it was an interesting idea - and would have dovetailed nicely with Cordelia going as Wonder Woman - Xander was really liking this group _Star Wars_ idea he'd come up with. "Nope. Sorry. But if you think this is bad, wait till you see what I have Cordelia going as. At least you're all one color. If you want to be, that is. You can get creative and do stripes or swirls if that's your thing, or you can take the easy way out by just picking your favorite color and brushing it on. She's red with some white and blue stripes. Very patriotic."

     Aphrodesia grimaced at his description and looked back down at the paper she was holding. It probably didn't seem so bad now, he figured. And it'd seem even better after she actually saw what a Togruta looked like. At least her own costume only had two lekku, and there were no montrals to deal with. "Fine. But I'm going to be lilac. Or lavender. Something puple-ish. And I'm not wearing leather. Or, well, anything that revealing."

     As she tried to pass the paper back, Xander waved her off. "Keep it. And that's fine. You can be any Twi'lek you want to be; I just printed out Aayla because she was the most dressed out of all the ones I found on the _Star Wars_ website." That made Aphrodesia grimace again, not that he could blame her. For someone who didn't like to show skin, the fact that Aayla was the most covered representative of the species in question must not have seemed promising. Deciding to flee while the getting was good, Xander looked around. "Just out of curiosity… you wouldn't happen to know where Nikki Bell is, would you?"

     "Nicole? Why do you care…" Trailing off, Aphrodesia's eyes widened. "How many of us did you make this bet with?"

     "Let's just say that you and Cordy aren't exactly going to be standing out on Halloween."

* * *

     "Eighty-nine."

     "Crap. I got an eighty-eight. So close, yet so far away. And I suppose a deal's a deal, even if it's a deal with you." Tossing her head to get her chin length blonde hair out of her face, Nicole Bell eyed Xander warily. He just smiled back at her but found it hard to keep the smug look from his face; he had no doubt that she knew she wasn't going to be the only one dressing up for him on Halloween. "So, what form of nerdtastic torture are you cursing me with for Halloween? Comics? Some kind of weird fantasy, elves and dwarves and dragons sort of thing? Sci-fi? Ooh, is it sci-fi? Because _Star Trek_ would be kinda cool. I could go as a Vulcan. They're kinda like super smart space elves, you know, with the pointy ears and all. And it wouldn't be the first time I've dressed up as one, either. My dad's a Trekkie. I'm pretty sure the only reason he had me was so he could spend stupid amounts of money dressing up for Halloween. First five years of my life, he was the captain and I was his little Vulcan first officer. Which reminds me, if we're doing this, I'm only down for the old school uniform. You know, the cute little dress, not the weird jumpsuit. And I want it in red. Yellow makes me look like I'm diseased and blue is… well, I suppose I'd settle for blue if you won't let me be red. Oh, and don't think that this means I like _Star Trek_ or anything. I'm just throwing it out there because I'm worried about what you might come up with on your own. The devil you know and all that."

     Xander stared at her with wide eyes, wondering when he'd fallen into an episode of _The Twilight Zone_. Two straight cheerleaders had asked him to be superheroines for Halloween, one of them also tossing out Xena as a possibility, and now a third was suggesting _Star Trek_. And knew enough about the show to know about Vulcans, the uniforms from the different seasons, and what colors they came in. But as hot as the mental image of her as a Vulcan was, he already had a plan for… well, not her in particular yet, but Cordy and her followers as a whole. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Nikki, but you'll have to wait until next year to be a Vulcan for the sixth time. You're going as part of the other half. _Star Wars_ , that is. Don't worry, though, you'll have company. Cordy's going as a Togruta and Sia's gonna be a Twi'lek. I'm not sure what species you're going to end up as yet; lemme get back to you on that."

     Scrunching her nose up in disgust, Nicole shuddered. "You say that like any I'd be happy with any of them. Ugh. Gross. So basically I'm getting all the negatives of dressing up as something geeky without the positive of being able to get my dad all enthusiastic because it's _Star Trek_ , which would lead to him paying for things for me. Happy happy, joy joy." Taking a step towards him, she poked Xander's chest hard. "Just so you know, though, if my dad disowns me for joining 'the enemy'? I'm making you take me in."

     "You say that like you think I'd be upset with that situation." Xander's head was abruptly rocked forward as Nicole reached up and swatted him hard. Okay, fine, the comment had been a little forward of him but still! "Oww! God, why are the cute ones always violent?"

     "You think I'm cute?"

     "…you know what, just when I think I have them figured out, something happens and I realize I don't understand girls. At all."

* * *

**_September 26, 2003_ **

* * *

     "…so all we'd have to do is find you the paint and some very blue contacts. You can see her eyes there, right? The darker bits are a very careful pattern; I have no clue how you could do that easily, but you girls know more about art and makeup than I do. I'm sure you can figure something out, right?"

     "I guess. It's not bad, compared to what you showed me for Cordy and Sia."

     "Well, Cordy's a special case but I was going to hand out Twi'lek to whoever I saw first. Be glad it took me this long to find you. Now, Mallory, you're on the swim team, right? I have a few ideas for you now but I want to think things over a bit. So unless you're set on buying things this weekend?" The diminutive brunette shook her head and Xander sighed in relief. "Cool. Reminds me, I need to pick something for Nikki too. I didn't have enough ideas ready because even I didn't think I'd beat this many of you."

     Clearing her throat, Cordelia drew attention to where she was standing near the library doors, bookended by Aphrodesia and Nicole. "Now let's be honest with ourselves here, dweeb. You didn't actually beat me on your own. I let you beat me because this whole bet of mine was a setup and I didn't trust you to win it on your own."

     Xander just shrugged her words off. "You say potato, I say… how's that Togruta costume of yours coming, Cordy?" Twisting in his seat to face her, he jerked a thumb back over his shoulder at Aura. "And I wouldn't exactly go around admitting that whole 'threw the quiz' thing considering at least one of these girls only made the bet because they thought you might lose and if they beat me, they could blackmail me into going easy on you. Actually, just out of curiosity… show of hands on that one?"

     Opening her mouth, Cordelia froze when Aura's hand went up, followed shortly thereafter by Aphrodesia's and Nicole's. Wow. Three out of the four of them had done it for her? Now she actually felt the tiniest bit bad about her scheming. Granted it was their own fault because they were the ones behind why she needed a killer costume in the first place, but still. Did they really deserve to be dragged into nerddom because of their loyalty to her? Although speaking of loyalty to her… she eyed Mallory. Given that cheerleading's year-round 'season' kept girls from participating in both it and another sport the way some enjoyed doubling or tripling up with fall, winter, or spring sports, the svelte diver was someone who - while popular enough - existed largely outside her sphere of influence. Which raised a question. "What happened to you?"

     "Oh, I wasn't stupid enough to bet on my grades. I was just with Aura when he found her and followed along. Then he mentioned you and Sia and Nicole-"

     "Nikki." Attention turned to the bottle blonde and she shrugged. "Xander kept calling me that yesterday and I realized that I've been thinking about switching to a cuter, more cheerleadery name and that even if it was a nickname from him, it was a good nickname and so I decided that I'm going to be Nikki from now on." As she finally petered out, she looked around and then shrank back at the strange looks she was getting. "Which… isn't really important, is it?"

     "Not really, but good to know." After a brief pause, Mallory shook her head as she tried to remember what she'd been saying. "Anyways, Xander mentioned you and Sia and Nikki had all lost the same bet, plus obviously Aura, and so I decided that if he was going to be turning you into a group costume, I might as well let him dress me too. After all, even if it was something bad that looked horrible, the most popular girls in school would be wearing it too and so I'd still look good. Kinda. You know what I mean. So… tada. Here I am."

     Cordelia blinked at that. The girl had pretty much called her - and the other girls - stupid, but she was the one volunteering to join in on something that the rest of them had to be forced into doing. So really, which one of them was actually the stupid one? She did have some good logic going for her, though, but on the other hand… "You have seen what the rest of us are getting stuck with, right?" Mallory opened her mouth to answer but Cordelia waved her off. "Rhetorical, dear. Well, it's your funeral. After seeing what Sia and I got stuck with, I'm pretty sure it can only go downhill from here."

     Coughing into her hand, Aura drew Cordelia's attention to her. "Actually, all I have to do is paint whatever skin I leave showing. And wear contacts. You and Sia just got unlucky."

     Cordelia's jaw dropped in disbelief and Aura gestured to the computer Xander was sitting at. The brunette crossed the room with angry strides, grabbing the back of Xander's chair and tilting it sideways to dump him onto the floor so she could claim his seat. He had pulled up some sort of behind the scenes article showing off how they'd transformed one actress into her character. And sure enough, the only thing to it was a bit of paint and freaky blue contacts. Well, and the clothes obviously but she wasn't focusing on that yet. "I'm not sure which of you I hate more right now."

     "Yeah, well, if I share my little piece about why you're dressing up the way you are, are you going to fill in the rest of the details for your girls?" Cordelia looked at Xander strangely as he clambered back to his feet and he rolled his eyes before miming… stabbing himself? Oh! Staking! If he told them about Jesse, was she going to… oh hell no. She shook her head vehemently. There was no way in hell she was going to try and convince her friends vampires were real. They'd think she was insane and nobody wanted to be friends with the crazy girl. She'd end up as popular as Willow. Wait, the redhead had Buffy and Xander. She'd do the barely possible and end up less popular. No thank you. "If anyone has a reason to complain, it's Sia because she got screwed by being the first not-you loser I found. Which reminds me, if you can talk anyone in to swapping with you…"

     Surprisingly enough, the blonde just shrugged ambivalently at the offer. "Well, I went home and looked them up on the Internet. I'm not too thrilled about the slavery thing but I do like the graceful and exotic dancer thing. I'll live. Besides, name someone other than me or Cordelia who could actually dress up like that and make it look good. I mean, if you really want I could swap with Harmony or something…"

     Xander opened his mouth, paused, and then shuddered. Then he shuddered again before finally speaking. "No. Just… no. And actually, you couldn't. I didn't make a bet with her." All the girls turned to stare at him incredulously and he squirmed defensively. "What? It's Harmony. It would have been like showing up to a knife fight with a machine gun. Where's the thrill of victory in that?"

     "You know, I have noticed that it's less fun making her look stupid than it is with the rest of my friends. Huh. I guess you're right." Cordelia shook her head; as amusing a diversion as all this was, it wasn't why she'd come to the library. Clumsily poking her way through the _Star Wars_ website, she eventually made her way back to the page he'd shown her the day before. "Okay, savor this moment because it's not going to happen again in your lifetime. I need your help. I'll do this because I said I would, but I have no clue how to. And I'm pretty sure that Sia needs helps with her head… tail… thingies…"

     "Lekku." Cordelia blinked and peered up at Aphrodesia. "What? I just said I looked my species up last night. The things you're talking about. They're called lekku."

     Letting out a low whistle, Xander gave the blonde a thumbs up. "Way to get your geek on, Sia. Glad to see one of you is starting to get into the spirit of it all." As she blushed - whether it was due to being praised or the reason behind it, Cordelia wasn't quite sure - Xander turned his attention back to the leader of the pack. "What's in it for me? Apart from making sure you don't look stupid, that is, which seems more like something in it for you."

     Cordelia pondered that for a moment before looking down and then crossing her arms under her breasts. "Let's see. Oh, durr, obvious. You're a hormonal teenage male. Help me figure out the neck up parts and I'll get something nice and cleavagey for the neck down part." Granted then she'd have more exposed skin to paint that weird orange-red-brown color, but she'd make that sacrifice if it meant not looking stupid. Because he was so right: the woman from the movie looked pretty in a strange, exotic sort of way and if she was stuck doing this, that was what she wanted too.

     Leaning in, Xander stared down at her for a moment before raising one eyebrow. "And, uh, how would that be any different from what you normally wear? Seriously, your wardrobe is so cleavagey, I'm pretty sure the blind kid down in the special ed wing knows about that one birthmark of yours."

     "I'm starting to wonder if you two actually hate each other or if this is some kind of weird foreplay and someone's about to end up sprawled out on their back on the library table…" Mallory's quiet comment had Xander leaping backwards even as Cordelia moved her arms, crossing them instead over her chest to cut off any view of the skin exposed by her barely daring - by her standards - neckline. "What? Am I seriously the only one who sees it?"

     "Now that you mention it…"

     "Actually, if we're bringing up awkward sexual tension, I've kinda wondered about her and Summers…"

     "Ugh, no way. Not that she couldn't do… you know… if she wanted to. I would just think she'd have better taste. That girl is a train wreck."

     Cordelia twisted one way, then the other, trying to keep up with the rapid-fire conversation. They thought her and… or her and… eww! On both counts. "Next person here who says I have the hots for anyone has to date that person or I'm kicking them out of the group." The room abruptly went silent and she preened for a moment; who was the queen? Oh yeah, she was the queen. "Now, seriously. Xander, I need help with my costume and since you want me to dress this way because of you-know-why, you should help me. But since I know you're not going to do it for free, I'm asking you… what do you want to be in it for you?" A nudge to her shoulder made her look up at an expectant Aphrodesia, who stared down at Cordelia until comprehension dawned. "Oh, right. Fine, what do you want in exchange for helping me and any other girl who needs it?"

     Almost immediately, Xander held up two fingers before hesitating, thinking for a moment, and then adding a third. "Three things. One: money. Not much and some of it might even be for shared supplies. I'm going to dress up the same as all of you, I've decided, and I'm not exactly rolling in it. I need a little help." Cordelia nodded; simple enough. She could probably finance the entire group's makeover off this month's allowance if she wanted to, so diverting a bit to his wallet in exchange for help was no big deal. "Two: help on at least the day of and one other day. Someone to dye my hair and someone to do some skin painting for my face, neck, and hands. It doesn't have to be you, but you do have to find someone to help me." She nodded again; she could force some minion to do that if he - or she - couldn't talk one of his little friends into it. "Three: your help screwing Harmony over. At least you're smart enough to make our arguments fun. She's just a pain to deal with. And really, do you want her to have a fun and normal Halloween when you're stuck with me?"

     Cordelia considered that. Good point. Very good point. "Nothing complicated for her costume-wise. You already have your hands full with the rest of us."

     "Works for me."

     "Then deal."

* * *

     "Fear is the path to the Dark Side…"

     A chuckle from his right startled Xander, making him jump and spin to face a brunette girl half a foot shorter than him. Grinning, she used one finger to prod her black wireframe glasses a bit higher up on her nose before nodding in Harmony's direction. "Too pathetic to be scary, Harmony is. Fear her, you should not."

     Xander boggled at her for a moment before laughing loudly. "Hmm. Small point deduction for not coming through with the following line to start a quote fest, but on the other hand you get lots of points for the most excellent Yoda imitation." Deciding to see if luck would stay on his side with this new, very pretty and indisputably geeky girl he'd just met, Xander held out his hand. "I'm Xander."

     "I'm… well aware." He blinked at her as he retracted his hand, trying to place her. Common class? No. Had he run her over in the halls? No, she was cute enough that he'd remember that. Pulling his hand back slowly, his brain whirled as it tried to figure out the mystery it'd been given. Finally she took pity on him and, giggling softly, reached up to remove her glasses. "Now add a maroon, gold, and white uniform, switch the ponytail up for some pigtails, and throw in a pair of pom-poms."

     Eyebrows rising almost to his hairline, Xander let out a low whistle as his brain followed her instructions, transforming the rather plain girl in front of him into a more familiar - and considerably more attractive - cheerleader. Becki Bryant. He definitely recognized her now, not just from games but from the role she played. She was the cheerleading squad's pet brain; the token brainy one that they kept around because it minimized their need to draw on the school's limited supply of tutors to maintain passing grades. The fact that Aphrodesia had been forced to work with Willow last year had been a testament to how overtaxed the brunette had been trying to keep her friends afloat. It had never occurred to him - even though he knew she was incredibly smart - that she might be a geek like him. "Huh. I did not see that coming. I… would say I thought you were too cool and pretty to like _Star Wars_ except that basically means saying I'm dorky and ugly for liking it. And since I get put down enough by Cordy and her friends and don't need to do it myself, let's move on. Say… have you heard what happened to Cordy and the others yet?"

     Becki nodded before looking uncertain. "You're talking about the _Star Wars_ thing, right? Yeah. I'd be jealous you didn't ask me, but it's kinda hard to compete on the same quiz when you're in academic track classes and I'm in accelerated. Oh well. Perils of being the smart one, I guess. Maybe I'll volunteer just to be part of the group. Why, though? Here to collect on Harmony? Isn't betting on her academic performance kinda… mean?"

     "I know, right? That's what I told the girls when they asked me if I'd made the same bet with Harmony." Rubbing his hands together, Xander grinned at Becki before looking over at Harmony. "No, I'm here to… well, she's about to be sucked in but not because of a bet we've made. Yet. Wanna come along for the ride and watch the master at work?"


	2. Chapter Two

Joe's Note:Well, as the story marches on we get to see more of the A Plot and some of the promised unusual C Plot. Tara was supposed to show up this chapter but it ran long and so she got pushed back to Chapter 3. Hope you don't mind. As always, read and review and such. This story may be finished but the next piece isn't and I'm always interested in hearing your thoughts. Who knows, something you suggest might show up in the next story…

* * *

**_September 26, 2003_ **

* * *

     "I know, right? That's what I told the girls when they asked me if I'd made the same bet with Harmony." Rubbing his hands together, Xander grinned at Becki before looking over at Harmony. "No, I'm here to… well, she's about to be sucked in but not because of a bet we've made. Yet. Wanna come along for the ride and watch the master at work?"

     Letting out another giggle, Becki gave him a nudge forward and then fell into step beside him as they closed in on where the blonde was staring intently at an apple she held in one hand. "You're right, you know. Cordy facing off with you is kinda like the unstoppable force and the immovable object. No matter what she does, you always survive and come back for more. Harm? It's more like the immovable object versus a watermelon." She made a whistling noise before pantomiming something exploding. "Splat."

     Reaching the table, Xander was prevented from firing the opening salvo of what he was predicting would be a rather run of the mill one-sided battle of the wits when Harmony opened her mouth and asked something that sounded stupid even by his remarkably low standards. "You know what would be like, really cool? If they could make apples that were like cows. Because you don't need to kill a cow to get the milk out. I like apples and apple juice. Why do those evil fruit farmers make me choose between them?"

     Becki bit her lip to keep from laughing in Harmony's face, but Xander couldn't manage to contain himself. He laughed. Loudly. "They clearly hate you, Harm, and are out to deny you happiness at every turn." Having obviously expected another response, different visitors, or both, Harmony's head snapped up sharply in surprise. "Howdy. Just here to see if you wanna make a little bet. Because… I think I'm going to be able to talk Cordelia into dressing up in a nice, geeky Halloween costume this year. I'm feeling lucky. If you can stop me, I'll let you dress me up in whatever you want. Anything you can think of. But if you can't… I get to dress Cordelia and you." Holding out his left hand, since he didn't trust Harmony to be able to easily swap hands and free up her right to shake, he grinned down at the puzzled looking blonde. "So… deal?"

     "Um… kay? I mean, Cordelia hates you. There's no way you're going to pull this off. But if you really want to end up being my Dork King Ken for the night, whatever. You know, I've always wanted to go as a fairytale princess and make someone go as a unicorn with me…" Eyes glazing over as she pondered potential humiliations to inflict upon him, Harmony slowly rose from her chair and headed for the cafeteria doors.

     Letting out a low whistle of admiration, Becki shook her head slowly. "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. That was hilarious. Mean, but hilarious."

     "Yeah, I know. So, just so I know how many people to plan for, are you in too?"

     "Sure, what the hell."

* * *

     Thundering up the steps towards her room, Willow Rosenberg dropped her backpack at the top of staircase and then hurried down the hall towards her room, stripping as she went. These days she kept two separate hampers and her fuzzy sweater and corduroy jumper went into an obnoxiously bright pink one the second she entered her room. Kicking off her loafers, she moved to sit on the edge of her bed and quickly wriggled out of her tights, balling them up and hurling them into the hamper as well. Feeling comfortable in her skin again for the first time in eight hours, Willow let herself tip backwards and rested her elbows on the mattress as she slowly kicked her legs. Ahh. Fresh air. One of these days, she vowed, she was going to stand up to Buffy and seize the right to grow into the young woman she wanted to be - instead of who the Slayer wanted her to be - and then she could wear whatever the hell she wanted to school. As much or as little as that turned out to be.

     Not that she had any intention of looking to Cordy and her sheep for fashion advice. There was a happy medium between what she wore now and what the cheerleaders tended to not-wear on a day-to-day basis, though, and she was eager to explore it. She already was, partially, hence the need for a second wardrobe to hold all her clothes. But to really embrace it, to be able to wear it to school or the Bronze or out slaying or to the movies with Xander or wherever the heck else she felt like going… that was what she wanted.

     One of these days…

     Sighing in resignation, Willow sat up and then slid off her bed, padding over to the dresser full of her real clothes and pulling out a green tank top and jean skirt. The last thing she needed, after all, was to be left scrambling to throw clothes on because her parents had forgotten to keep her appraised of their schedule and had come home 'early'. As she dressed, Willow pondered how fickle fashion, pop culture, popularity, and - most of all - Buffy seemed to be. The blonde had been all for Willow coming out of her shell and changing how she dressed and learning how to interact with boys… on Buffy's terms. The redhead had learned that the hard way after the shopping expeditions that had netted her most of these clothes. She'd lasted a whopping four differently dressed, calmer and more mature days before Buffy's backhanded compliments and passive-aggressive criticism of her attempt at a more boy-friendly style and personality had driven her back into the safety of fluff, corduroy, and caffeinated babbling.

     Or rather she'd waved the white flag when it came to experimenting at school. When she was at home, on the other hand? There were plenty of people who liked the new - or was that real? - her here, and so she wasn't afraid to let that Willow out in the safety of her bedroom, even if it did mean going through twice as much laundry a week as she used to. Granted the people who liked her were virtual people and if Buffy or Xander ever found out about what she was doing, they would freak… but Willow had no intention of telling either of them about her after school activities, which made that problem a bit of a moot point, didn't it?

     Once she was dressed again, albeit in more comfortable clothes, Willow threw herself down in front of her computer and swiped her finger across the laptop's touchpad to wake it from sleep mode. Again thanking her parents for bowing to her nagging and upgrading to broadband, she jumped straight into Mail and picked her way through forty-two messages: one from each of her parents with the same information since they evidently didn't talk to each other either and both had thought it was their turn to email her, along with eight messages from different online friends, twenty-seven mixed spam emails offering to shrink or enlarge assorted body parts - one of which she did not have - and five from Nigeria asking her to help them claim small fortunes. The thirty-two spam emails and her father's version of their upcoming itinerary went in the trash, Willow returned the emails from her online friends to 'unread' status to make sure she'd see them later, and then she was out of Mail and searching the Dock for a specific icon. And… click.

     Program loading…

     Making the cute little vwoop noises as her two screen names connected and their respective buddy lists expanded to show who was online… and iChat AV was up and running. The only thing left to figure out was whether or not there was anyone worth talking to online at the moment.

     _'Message from: nitelong'_

     _'Message from: AndrewManley'_

     _'Message from: scheminghamsters'_

     _'Message from: vvertigov'_

     _'Message from: TakamishiMaru'_

     _'Message from: anotherlostsoul'_

     Willow grinned widely as the incoming message announcements began to overlap. Well, she wasn't sure yet if some - or even any - of them were worth talking to, but they sure wanted to talk to her. Was this how Cordelia felt at school? Clicking on each message, she began sending out the standard greetings, doing her best to remember who she'd talked with in the past and who had decided to up and poke her with no warning. Not that she minded. She was always up for meeting new people these days. Online, at least. Although she hadn't done half bad at the mall the other week with that nice boy she met at Old Navy. She'd managed… what? At least ten or fifteen sentences before having to go away? That was a significant improvement from just vowel sounds in her book.

     _'Message from: ItsAllBigger25'_

     Ooh. Hello there, friend. Grinning widely, Willow clicked the 'Accept' button.

     3:30 PM ItsAllBigger25: And how is California's cutest ginger this afternoon? Back at your place yet or did you hop on from one of the public areas?

     3:31 PM LilRedRdnHo: home of course

     3:31 PM LilRedRdnHo: tgif, lol.

     3:31 PM LilRedRdnHo: the only way i was staying on campus any longer than i had to was if you tied me down

     3:32 PM ItsAllBigger25: Ooh, bondage. ;) Name the time and place, baby. I'll be there with bells on… and some rope, of course.

     3:32 PM LilRedRdnHo: not what I meant and you know it :P

     3:32 PM ItsAllBigger25: I can dream, can't I?

     3:33 PM LilRedRdnHo: for now

     3:33 PM LilRedRdnHo: maybe youll get lucky for Christmas or something ;)

     3:34 PM ItsAllBigger25: …huh. You know, I saw the cutest Naughty Ms. Claus outfit the other day at Amazing Adult. Maybe I'll pick up one in your size. Just in case.

     3:34 PM LilRedRdnHo: and a pair of nice tall black leather boots?

     3:35 PM ItsAllBigger25: *blink* What happened to the other pair I sent you?

     3:35 PM LilRedRdnHo: well, we were gonna tape it but nobody wanted to sit out the fun to hold the cam… ;)

     3:35 PM ItsAllBigger25: O_O Now I'm really curious…

     Hmm. Choices choices. Now she could either come up with a really good story to tell him - and considering how much time she spent chatting with guys online these days, creating fictional naughtiness on demand was something she was becoming quite good at - or she could distract him with a bit of skin. She was torn, to be honest: she really did enjoy the intellectual exercise of coming up with interesting and arousing yarns to spin for guys online, but her little soft-core webcam shows were pretty much the only times guys looked at her as an attractive young woman and she liked that too.

     While Willow knew that most people would find what she did to be equal to - or worse than - what the Cordettes did to earn their popularity with the boys of Sunnydale High, but the redhead thought that was just plain crazy. For one, her idea of fun didn't have the potential to end in a visit to Planned Parenthood or an STD test. Chatting with guys was just a way of helping them feel good while exercising her formidable mind, and as for her cam shows… okay, well, those might be getting a bit close to the line of good taste, but those were fun and she never showed much more than she saw other girls showing at the beach. She just let guys see it from the comfort of their desk, instead of having to go outside.

     And the arrangement benefited her, too, and not just in the form of the presents her friends sometimes sent her. She was a growing girl, both physically and emotionally, and in need of an outlet of some sort for her newfound urges. What better way to express herself than this? Okay, maybe the fact that she had to lie about her age and exactly where in Sunnydale she was going to school was a sign that what she was doing wasn't quite right… but again, it beat the Cordettes' solution. After all, the only thing she knew about motherhood was that she definitely wasn't ready for it - or the effect it would have on her life - at sixteen.

     Tugging out on the neckline of her tank top, Willow peered down. Well, there was certainly a point in favor of going with the camera distraction idea: it would be an awful shame to let a bra this cute go unseen. It was actually one of her favorites: a green satin number overlaid with black lace to create a floral design. And given it came from Frederick's of Hollywood, not only did it have an equally cute pair of matching panties but it was designed to offer her both 'some padding' and 'lots of padding' options as needed. Which meant she could be wear them to school and not look out of place, and then come home and insert the included padding to give her a bit of extra oomph before sitting down in front of the camera. After a few more seconds' consideration, she came down in favor of the cam show idea. School was out and creative writing could wait until Monday. Which meant now she needed to go find her…

     _'Message from: need2getslayed'_

     Or maybe not. As much as she didn't want to, she knew that Buffy got on computers only slightly more often than Giles did and if the Slayer was messaging her, it was probably important. Sighing, Willow clicked on the new message window.

     3:40 PM need2getslayed: wills, we need u 2 come help out @ the library

     3:40 PM need2getslayed: the council heard about our try @ a demon database & told him 2 just connect 2 theirs

     3:41 PM need2getslayed: he has a page of instructions 4 'that infernal machine'

     3:41 PM need2getslayed: i tried 2 figure it out & went crosseyed

     3:41 PM need2getslayed: so help plz?

     Oh for the love of… she had left the school slightly over half an hour ago. Had he seriously not known that he'd need her help at that point? And if not… if these instructions had come in sometime in the past thirty minutes… where the heck was Miss Calendar and why couldn't Giles ask her for help? Especially since they had some sort of mutual awkward crush thing going on. It would be the perfect excuse to spend time together without actually having to come out and admit they wanted to spend time together. But no. Instead, Giles was telling Buffy and Buffy was nagging her. Sigh.

     3:42 PM TheLilRedTree: I was kinda working on something, Buffy. Is it really that urgent? Can I do it tomorrow or Monday?

     3:44 PM need2getslayed: i asked giles & he went all brit on me

     3:44 PM need2getslayed: i think it means no but i'm not sure

     3:45 PM TheLilRedTree: …fine. Give me a few minutes to get ready and I'll head out.

     3:45 PM need2getslayed: ur a lifesaver

     No, she just didn't want to deal with the explosion that would surely come if she dared respond with 'Sorry, I can't come help you right now, I'm about to hop on webcam and show off a bit for a twenty-five-year-old from Texas'. Willow sighed again and cycled through iChat's various windows, closing each until she found the one she was looking for.

     3:46 PM LilRedRdnHo: sorry but i need to give you a raincheck on that story

     3:46 PM LilRedRdnHo: friend just called and really needs my 'help with something' ;)

     3:46 PM LilRedRdnHo: bbiab

     Before he could reply, Willow closed the chat window and logged out of that particular screen name. Finding herself back in the window holding Buffy's messages, the redhead debated before firing off a parting shot and logging out. Because even if she was too nice for her own good and willing to sacrifice her plans for the afternoon and evening to help Buffy and Giles out, Willow just plain wasn't in the mood for fluff. And if Buffy didn't like it, then tough sh… cr… cookies.

     3:47 PM TheLilRedTree: BTW, I'm coming in what I'm wearing. And if you pick on it, I'll leave you to figure out Giles's computer problems on your own. Resolve face.

* * *

 **__**

September 29, 2003:

* * *

     "I am not a moron!"

     "Remind us again why you're here, Harm?"

     "Because I… grr! It's not my fault. He tricked me!"

     "Yes, dear. Xander Harris managed to trick you. What does that say about your intelligence?"

     Exchanging a bemused look with Becki, Xander came to a stop outside the computer lab that Miss Calendar had agreed to let them use for the afternoon and peered through the window. Harmony and Cordelia were facing off in the middle of the room, the others scattered around the room in front of individual computers as they awaited his return. Stepping closer to her leader, Harmony batted away the hand that had just patted her on the head and poked Cordelia's chest. "Fine, Xander tricked me. And he like, destroyed you on that quiz, Cordy. The rest of the Cordettes didn't do so well either. So I'm sorry, if being outsmarted by him once makes me a moron, what does that make the rest of you?"

     Xander gestured for Becki to precede him and the brunette mouthed 'wuss' before doing so, bumping her hip against the door to open it before stumbling inside. "It makes you here to find out what you're wearing for Halloween. And what's going under what you're wearing, in a few cases." Conversation came to a halt as she and Xander walked over to the biggest empty space they could find, setting down their burdens. "Alright. I've got all the West End Games stuff my boyfriend was willing to part with, the Wizards' original D20, and the revised books that have come out so far. Which means-"

     Letting out a sharp whistle, Cordelia made a 'T' with her hands. "Woah, time out. Back all that up and start over. And this time, explain it like you're talking to people who aren't going to be living in their parents' basement when they're thirty years old."

     "What about living in your parents' basement when I'm thirty, Cordy?" Xander grinned, deciding to take one for the team to deflect the girl's attention away from Becki. "Your mom's a MILF. Stifler's mom has nothing on Miriam Chase. I'll even learn Spanish if that's an actual job requirement up at your place."

     The look he received from Cordelia in response could have peeled paint. "You are a sick, sick boy, Xander Harris."

     Grinning, Xander just shrugged it off. He held a decent amount of power over her for once - given she wanted his help with her costume, she couldn't just up and stomp off like she usually did when he managed to gain the upper hand in their little verbal spats - and by George, he was going to abuse it while he could. "Well you know what they say, Cordy: if you want to know what a girl's going to look like in twenty years, look at her mom. We all remember that outfit she wore when she dropped you off on the first day of freshman year. Why do you think so many boys here are interested in snagging you? Your scintillating wit?" Pausing, Xander cocked his head to the side. "Huh. 'Scintillating'. I know for a fact that I couldn't spell that if you offered me a hundred bucks, but for some reason I know what it means. I have got to stop spending so much time with Giles… for extra credit because why else would I be spending time in the library?"

     "You know what, I don't care if I need your help with this. Make one more joke like that and so help me God, I will bury this boot so far up your butt, you'll be tasting Gucci." Xander raised an eyebrow at Cordelia, spreading his arms in an invitation that she ignored, turning her attention back to Becki. "So, as I was asking before the pervert ran off with the conversation… can we have that in small, non-geeky words please?"

     Becki reached up to either rub the bridge of her nose or adjust her glasses, Xander wasn't quite sure. Given the annoyed sounding sigh that accompanied the motion, though, it was probably the former. Looking around the room, she gestured to the two piles of books in front of her. "In the interest of getting things moving… seven of us are dressing up for Halloween because we either volunteered or lost a bet. Only three of us even know what species we're going to be. And Cordy, Sia, Aura… what? Were you planning to mix the alien look with some Abercrombie & Fitch or something?" The looks she received in response made it clear to both her and Xander that none of them had thought that far ahead yet, although to be fair Xander hadn't thought that far ahead when it came to them either. Bringing in Becki to help him was looking like a better idea with each passing minute. "So some of us need to figure out 'what' we're going to be and then all of us need to figure out 'who' we're going to be. Which is where the books come into things. I have some cheat sheets about the different species that I can pass around, and then from there I thought maybe we could use the classes from the D20 system to give us ideas for our actual costumes."

     "If I wasn't pretty sure that even you could beat me up, I would kiss you right now." He'd had vague notions of using Becki's boyfriend's stash of role-playing books to help figure out who would be going as what species, but it had never even occurred to Xander that such a simple, core game mechanic might be of use to him. Turning back to the other, exceedingly confused looking girls, he took pity on them and explained. "Okay, I'm sure you've heard of _Dungeons & Dragons_ even if you don't know anything about it, right?"

     "Paper and pencils and dice and geeks sitting around a table?"

     "…something like that, Nikki. Anyways, there's a _Star Wars_ version. Made by the same people, even. In it, there are different 'classes', or jobs. Like Princess Leia? She's a Noble. Han is a Scoundrel. There are two classes for Jedi and even one for people with Force powers but who aren't Jedi, and then there are three or four other classes too. So what Becki's suggesting - and I think is a great idea - is that we put the names of the classes… these different jobs… into a hat. Then you all pass the hat around, pull slips, and use what you pull out as the start of your costume."

     The girls exchanged looks and Xander waited for someone, most likely Cordelia, to shoot the idea down. But surprisingly enough she just nodded in approval. "Well, we can't all be identical. Everyone knows you never want to wear the same thing to a party. This is a fair way of deciding who gets a cool costume and who doesn't. And it means I only have a one in seven chance of being stuck as the Skanky Dancer Girl or whatever it is you toss into the hat because you're a teenage boy and we all know what you think about." Xander opened his mouth to defend himself and then thought better of it. He'd been planning to use the classes straight from the book but if they were evidently expecting it, why not live up to their expectations and remove one of the real classes to open up a slot for 'Entertainer' or 'Dancer'? Then Cordelia frowned and switched topics with a speed that might have startled Xander if he wasn't used to deciphering Willow's rambling. "What about our 'what's, though? Becki, tell me you have something good in one of those books to give to someone else. I don't want to be the weirdest looking one in the group."

     Becki gave Xander an uncertain look at being addressed directly but when he waved her on - after all, she was doing good work so far - she pulled out a slim black three-ring binder covered in glow in the dark stars and held it up. "Well, um, my boyfriend and I both play but obviously he knows a lot more about _Star Wars_ than I do. And I started getting tired of having to poke through all these books to know what kind of alien each person in the group was or what species it was that we were running into on an adventure, so I made a bunch of cheat sheets for myself and put them in one easy, alphabetized binder. So we can look through here and then after we find something that we like - and that Xander approves of, of course - I can show you where to find it in one of the real books so you can find out more about them. Cordy, I totally hear what you're saying but I don't think it'd be fair to give anyone a species that's really weird or creepy, since the costume would probably be beyond their ability to make in time." Cordelia pouted at that and Becki opened her binder, flicking from one page to the next. "Let's see, though. Our group has one Togruta so far - Cordy - and Sia's going as a Twi'lek. The Twi'lek have some very fluid pigment genes, meaning they come in all sorts of colors and patterns and there's no reason any two have to look alike, but let's save repeats for if we're absolutely desperate. Oh, and Xander, you mentioned a Mirialan?"

     "That would be Aura. That's as far as I'd gotten, though, because I hadn't really thought much further than beating Cordy - who has a special story behind her costume - and getting one of the others to be a Twi'lek." Wandering over to the printer, Xander opened the tray and removed a sheet of paper. Returning to Becki's side, he began folding it into thirds so he could tear it into roughly equal pieces. "So that means three down, four to go. And… I've got nothing. Becki?"

     Reaching the end of the book, Becki looked back and forth between it and a certain bottle blonde. "Okay, there's an easy one here, no pun intended. Does anyone here disagree when I say that Harm is the school skank?"

     "No."

     "No."

     "Nope."

     Huffing, Harmony raised her hand high. "Um, yeah. Me!"

     Becki just waved the girl's indignation off. "Oh shut up, Harm. You have a pink shirt with 'SLUT' in big silvery letters across the chest. You don't just know you're the school skank, you advertise it. So, speaking of pink and skanks…"

     Looking back up from what he was doing, Xander peered down at the page Becki was showing him. Then he grinned. "…we could do Harmony as a Zeltron. To quote a fictional Irishman whose product I don't go anywhere near because I'm not my father… brilliant!" After quickly checking the nine slips in front of him - it was good to be thorough, he decided, plus he might get lucky again between now and Halloween - Xander took pity on the non-Becki girls and explained. " _Star Wars_ has a bunch of species that are called 'near-humans' that are pretty much what they sound like: they're groups of humans that settled planets that mutated them just enough that they're not pure human anymore, but not enough to make them count as real aliens. Stuff like having different skin colors or maybe little horns or pointy ears or something. Like Aura's Mirialans. Zeltrons are a species of pink-skinned near-humans who… well, the writers have created some science behind it to make it less perverted sounding, but they're pretty much a species of Harmonys. Pink space skanks. Which is why Becki thinks it'd be a good match."

     As Becki and Harmony began bickering about the latter's supposed - or actual - sluttiness, Xander looked around and frowned. They were missing… suddenly, the subject of his thoughts slipped through the door in a maroon one-piece bathing suit, a pair of sweatpants riding low on her hips as she toweled her hair dry. Then the smell hit him and Xander grimaced; why couldn't Mallory have been a few minutes later and taken the time to dash through a shower, too? "Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late; the coach is taking advantage of the fact that the boys' coach hasn't started practicing yet and is working us hard to try and chase off any girls who might bail under pressure this winter. What'd I miss?"

     "Ehh, not much." Not even looking up from where she was checking her email on one of the lab's computers, Nicole waved a hand in Harmony's general direction. "We're just talking about how Harm's a skank."

     Groaning, Mallory buried her face in her hands. "Oh God, did someone walk in on her in the locker room again?"

     Hands on her hips, Harmony scowled at the pint-sized brunette. "Why are you trying to make it seem like a common thing? That only happened the one time and-"

     "The one time this year. So far." Aphrodesia smirked as Harmony turned her scowl on the natural blonde, before continuing on to rub salt in the wound. "Plus there's still one more day left in September, and then all of October, all of November…"

     Leaning over, Aura wrapped a companionable arm around Harmony's shoulders. "Aww, c'mon girls, it could be worse. At least she's using the time to work on her cheerleading skills. Remember, Sia? 'Your whore! Want some more! Faster, harder, keep on thrusting! More, more, 'til we're both busting!'" All activity came to a halt as everyone turned to stare incredulously at the bright red Harmony. "What do you think, Cordy? I mean, obviously we can't use that one, but we should totally put her to work writing new cheers for us."

     Cordelia groaned and shook her head as she watched Harmony bat at Aura's hand before pulling away. "I'd make a comment about undiscovered depths but I'm pretty sure Harm's depths are all very well explored by now. And so moving on before I misplace the very tasty lunch currently occupying my stomach… since Xander approves, Harmony is now a pink skank. That leaves three of us. Well, three of you. I'm already set. Sadly."

     "Hmm. Let's see. I need to give someone a species weirder than Cordy's so she'll stop whining about how horrible she has it… and we just happen to have a swimmer among us." Not quite sure where Becki was going with her train of thought, Xander watched her flip backwards through the pages in her binder before stopping in the N section. Then he blinked. Did she honestly think Mallory would go for that? Evidently so, he discovered, or at least she was going to try. Whistling to get the brunette's attention, Becki held out the binder to Mallory. "What do you think?"

     Much like when Aphrodesia had found out about her impending Twi'lekdom, Xander could tell the exact moment when Mallory's eyes landed on the drawing of a male and female Nautolan in the bottom right corner of the page. "How about no? Unless Xander wants to order me to do it, in which case the answer is 'no', along with 'I unvolunteer'."

     Becki was immediately ready with a counteroffer, though. "Be a Nautolan for Halloween and not only will you get to meet my mystery boyfriend but the two of us will handle every last bit of your costume and you get free meals every time we need to meet."

     "Fine. I'll do it." Handing the binder back to Becki, Mallory shot the cheerleader an unreadable look. "What's in it for you, though? I'm not the only volunteer here; if Cordy's complaining really annoyed you that much, you could always leave the group too."

     Taking her binder back, Becki offered a shrug before passing it on to Nicole, who had finished playing on the computer and took it with a curious expression on her face. "Well, Joe and I were talking about going as our game characters this year for Halloween. So really, I was going to end up in a _Star Wars_ costume anyways and this is all just a really fortunate coincidence that means I can stop by the Bronze to say hi before heading over to the party at UC Sunnydale and not stand out quite as much. As for your costume, Mal, Joe's been working on a Nautolan headpiece to sell but didn't finish it in time to market it to the same place as his other work. But I know he can finish it in time for Halloween, so getting you to agree means I'm making him happy by helping him bring his work to life and when Joe's happy, I'm happy. Oh, and speaking of his work and such, Cordy and Sia, make sure you get the address of that store in LA. They didn't actually buy his pieces from him outright; they're basically there on consignment and since he hasn't gotten paid, that means they should still be in the store. If they do sell between now and when you get there, we can figure out something else."

     Aha. Xander had been doing his best to help the girls come up with a method of creating the alien side of their respective costumes, only to have Cordelia and Aphrodesia abruptly inform him that they were set on that front. Now he knew why. Joe the Mystery Boyfriend. He shrugged; one less thing for him to worry about, especially if Becki was so sure it would come out well. "Hey, Xander?" Nicole was beckoning him over and, not having anything better to do, he moved to sit beside her, leaning in as she held the binder out between them. "Have you decided what you're going as? I remember you needed Cordelia's money so you could change costumes to match us. And I'm kinda curious because I figure if you're going to wear it… well, it can't be that bad. And I'll put up with them teasing me for looking like Mrs. Xander if it means I can get out of this without looking like an alien clownfish or something equally crazy."

     "Ah. Um, Chiss." Xander began flipping backwards through the pages until he found Becki's entry on the Unknown Regions' most infamous residents. "I wanted something different but easy. After I figure out a costume, I'm just going to draw some lines on my skin and get someone to paint from the lines outward so I'm blue everywhere that shows. Plus I'll need to dye my hair and… I'm not sure about the eyes yet, but I've got a month or so. What do you think?"

     Nibbling on her lower lip, Nikki stared at the image of the two Chiss for a moment before perking up and paging back a dozen more entries to something called a 'Bokan' that Xander wasn't sure actually existed in the _Star Wars_ universe. Then again, he knew from an earlier conversation with Becki that her own costume - with his approval, of course - was going to be based off a homebrew aquatic species called a 'Melanoke' that she'd created with her boyfriend for their current campaign. So should he really be surprised that her personal sourcebook had other species unique to her and her friends? "What do you think of this? One box of black dye would probably take care of both of us, and we could use the same color of blue paint. We could figure out how to do the eyes together even if we need different colors, and unless my mom threw them out, I should still have a pair of wings just like that from last year's faerie princess costume."

     Xander thought about it for a minute before shrugging. Being able to share supplies with someone would cut down on the amount of money he'd need to wheedle out of Cordy, and might even solve another problem of his. "Are you going to volunteer to be my helper girl, then?" She gave him an odd look. "Remember? I told Cordelia I'd need help painting and dying myself? If we're going to go as a mostly matching pair, wouldn't it make sense for you to be the girl she 'picks' to help me?"

     "Oh. Yeah. Um, sure. I mean, it's not like I have a boyfriend or anything right now so there's nobody to get jealous… and I probably won't be able to get a boyfriend for a month or two so we're safe there. Need to let the rumor mill settle a bit before I try to put myself back on the market." Nicole smiled nervously as Xander shot her an odd look, but that quickly turned to astonishment. "You seriously don't know? Yeah, I'm currently single because… well, you know that whole clichéd redneck thing where the dad finds his daughter with some guy and chases him off with a shotgun?" Xander nodded slowly, wondering if this was going where he thought it was going. "Turns out my dad has some inner redneck, and he managed to find it after walking in on me and my ex-boyfriend having sex. Long story short, I'm now the single girl with the homicidal maniac father that everyone's scared to go near." Huffing, she crossed her arms over her chest. "I wasn't even being Harmony; we'd been dating for a few months. He had to know it would happen eventually."

     Not quite sure how to respond to that, Xander decided to head for safer ground: assigning the girls classes so they could begin figuring out their actual costumes. Rising from his spot beside Nikki, he returned to the no longer quite as clear stretch of table where he'd been working beside Becki. "Alright, before you end up getting lost in trying to find out more about your assigned species…" He trailed off, gesturing to the nine pieces of paper in front of him, each folded multiple times to ensure no ink showed through to hint at what class it contained. "Classes. Come and get 'em."

     Each girl took a step forward before pausing and retreating, allowing Cordelia to go first. The brunette nodded in satisfaction before approaching Xander and, after staring at the neatly folded papers for a moment, picking one at random. Unfolding it, she held it up for him to see. "What's a… 'Jedi Consular'?"

     Crud. How to explain that without making them seem really boring? Xander snapped his fingers as the perfect explanation came to him. "They're the Jedi who use their words first, then the Force, and then finally grab their lightsaber. Yoda was a Consular. So was, ironically enough, Shaak Ti. So I guess it was kinda fate that you grabbed that one."

     "I guess." Cordelia stared at the paper in her hand for a moment longer before shrugging and wandering off to sit down at a computer. "Could be worse. At least I'm not the alien clownfish dancing girl or something."

     Her muttered comment killed any remaining good mood in the room and the girls all stared at the pieces of paper in front of him warily. Finally Becki reached out, snatching one up and opening it before showing him what he'd written on it. Fringer. That would go well with her original species. That opened the floodgates and the others, not wanting to get stuck with something crappy, surged forwards and began snapping up whatever paper was closest to them. Aphrodesia's Tech Specialist made Xander wince - 'alien skankdom' with a side of geek; the poor girl just had the worst luck - while Harmony's Scoundrel made him snicker. Aura scowled her way through showing off the Entertainer slip, Nicole was left pondering her Soldier slip, and Mallory ended up pulling the companion to Cordelia's slip: Jedi Guardian.

     Xander quickly scribbled down a list of everyone's name, species, and class before turning to Becki and tapping the end of his pen against one line. "You help her, since she's your pet project anyways, and then maybe Aura because I'm afraid to go near her right now? I'll get Cordy and Nikki, and then we can split Sia and Harm depending on who finishes first?"

     "Sounds good to me." Shooting a look over at Cordelia, Becki grinned. "Hope you have a good idea for Cordelia, though; she was actually glad you said she could be any Togruta instead of having to be Shaak Ti because she thinks the Jedi have horrible taste in fashion."

     Great.


End file.
